if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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