He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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