Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
