I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Terrible idea I love it
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
