covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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