Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
