Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
