xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
