she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
