I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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