He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
