apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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