Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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