I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
