do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
