I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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