Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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