He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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