Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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