do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
