New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize