The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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