So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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