Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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