and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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