You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just gargled with NyQuil
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
