just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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