mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My Higher Power is John Stamos
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize