After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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