Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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