apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
