I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
