I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
