You just made me feel so damn special
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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