My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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