How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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