Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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