I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
