Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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