I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
