If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
