final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
