How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
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You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
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She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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