The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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