I accidentally had phone sex last night
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
