I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
