The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
