It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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