Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
