Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
