Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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