Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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