if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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