East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
