So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
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The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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